Yes, this is one of those posts that nobody wants to see, but it's something that I think it's time for the spanking community to address. It saddens me whenever I see a fellow spanking fetishist romanticizing the use of our shared fetish as a punishment for children. I very strongly disagree with the use of spanking on children. I don't mean this to be a screed against the practice, or to label all parents who practice this form of punishment as monsters, but it needs to be addressed. I will try to present rebuttals for some of the most common pro-spanking arguments I see out there, as well as giving my reasons for why it should be discontinued.
If you are someone who reads my blog, I think it's safe to assume that you are a fellow spanko like me. It shouldn't be that difficult for people like us to see why using this fetish to punish children is wildly inappropriate. I understand that ageplay and themes of regression are common among the spanking community, and I have no problem with that, just as long as there are clear boundaries regarding consent. It's important to remember that ageplay is just a fantasy. Anyone who extends that sort of fetish to the punishment of their own kids is probably not making very wise choices regarding what is good for their children.
The psychological community is very much opposed to spanking children. It's not even a controversy at this point. "Controversy" implies significant disagreement. There is no disagreement here. Psychologists are almost unanimously opposed to the practice, and they have been warning through numerous studies and decades of research of the harmful effect that spanking has on childhood mental and physical development, especially between the ages of five and nine. These aren't "quack" opinions. These are experts who have done enormous amounts of research into this topic, and they continue to come back with new evidence to support the same conclusion that spanking is unhealthy for kids and should be avoided. If you trust the advice of doctors when it comes to all other aspects of your child's health and development, then why dismiss the findings of psychologists?
Of course, all of these objections have been heard before by pro-spanking advocates, and they already have their own justifications for their disciplinary practices. Instead of continuing to repeat what psychologists have been saying for decades, I will attempt to offer rebuttals to the common justifications that I hear:
"But I was spanked as a kid and I turned out fine!"
Well I wasn't spanked as a kid and I turned out fine too. We can't attribute that to spanking or the lack thereof. You may consider yourself to be someone who turned out just fine but you don't know for sure how you would have turned out if spanking hadn't been used. And for that matter, I can't say how I would have turned out had my parents spanked me. And this illustrates just one of the problems with using anecdotes as your argument.
"There is a difference between spanking and beating."
Yes, I will concede that there can be large differences in degree and in how the punishment is inflicted. Some spankings are much less severe than others. You are absolutely right about that, although calling severe spankings by a different word obfuscates the issue. Yes, differences in degree of severity exist. I recognize this fact, and I am sure that all of the psychologists who advise against spanking children are also aware of this fact. Pro-spanking advocates seem to think that this is a concept that nobody else has ever considered before. Well, we have considered it, and it's a bad argument. The fact that you could possibly spank more severely doesn't mean that less severe spankings are perfectly fine.
"No kid was ever harmed by a firm pat on the butt when he/she needed it."
Seriously? "A firm pat on the butt" is how you describe it? We all know that a spanking is much more than that (especially for kids above age 3 or so, where surprise doesn't mean as much). If you want to talk about how effective spanking is at deterring unwanted behavior by putting the fear of a spanking into the minds of kids, then obviously this is more than a "firm pat". I am a spanking enthusiast who is spanked for fun rather than punishment, so my situation isn't entirely comparable, but even the lightest spanking I have ever received has been much more than "a firm pat".
"Other punishments just don't work. Sometimes a spanking is the only thing that works."
I get the logic here. Kids usually aren't as rational in their thinking as older and more mature adults. The logic goes that they need something as fundamentally relatable as physical pain in order to get their attention.
I understand but I don't agree. Physical punishment is something that is only tolerated against children. If it were so wonderful, then why isn't it also used against adults? If I get pulled over for speeding, I get a ticket (or my license revoked), not a spanking. When my boss calls me in for a performance review, I never see a paddle sitting on his desk. Granted, at one extreme adults face far worse punishments like being fired or going to an adult prison, but for most instances of misbehavior, the consequences faced by adults are less severe and not physical in nature. Corporal punishment has even been abolished in prisons (officially) because it was recognized that forcibly subjecting people to that is inhumane.
"There is so much violence in schools now because they stopped paddling."
First, that's statistically wrong. School violence has actually gone down from forty years ago, not up. Second, school corporal punishment is much more severe than a lot of pro-spanking parents realize. In fact, I think parents should be subjected to a real school paddling before they are allowed to authorize its use on their children, just so they can experience what they are subjecting their kids to.
In all 50 states, there is a fine line between what is considered a legal spanking and what is considered abuse. For schools, that line is heavily biased in their favor. School faculty are often allowed to spank children much more severely than parents can. I wasn't subjected to corporal punishment when I was going to school, but because of my recreational spanking experience and my research on the topic of school corporal punishment, I am knowledgeable about the subject. Schools that spank usually use a large wooden paddle similar in design to most fraternity/sorority paddles, except school paddles are designed to cause maximum pain. For historical context, paddles were made for punishing slaves in a way that caused severe pain without causing scars. Because the number of swats administered is usually in the single digits (3 being a standard minimum) and because the paddling is administered over full clothing, school faculty usually try to make the most of it by swinging the paddle very hard, often using full-body swings to add more force. Unless you have felt it yourself, I can't describe to you just how painful that is. It would be considered abuse if done by parents. If I didn't enjoy spanking as a fetish, I would consider this to be a form of torture.
"Toddlers only respond to pain. Other disciplinary measures only work for older kids"
OK, I am willing to concede that you may have a point there. Toddlers do need to be corrected if their behavior poses a danger to themselves. And since toddlers often have difficulty communicating verbally, non-physical punishments are less likely to be effective. However, if you are convinced that you absolutely must use physical pain in order to discipline your child, could you at least avoid hitting them on the butt? Slapping their hands is painful but doesn't carry inappropriate signals.
"Spanking isn't a fetish thing when it's used to discipline children."
Obviously, slapping an adult on the face is much different than slapping an adult on the butt. The first one will get you an assault or battery charge. The second will get you put on the sex offenders registry. That alone should demonstrate the inappropriateness of spanking children.
Maybe you are sincere about being able to separate spanking children from the other psychological and sexual baggage that comes with it. Maybe it is solely about discipline for your family. I don't doubt people's sincerity about this. However, just because you don't see spanking this way doesn't mean that it isn't having an effect on your kids. Research has shown that spankings received as a child can play a huge role in developing a spanking fetish. Such fetishes can implant themselves in some form into the minds of spanked children while they are still children. Yeah, think about that next time you consider using spanking.
"The Bible encourages spanking"
If this is your reason, then you are probably beyond the help of logic. The Bible also encourages genocide, torture, and rape. Maybe you should look elsewhere for ethical guidance.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
Wheelbarrow position (with video)
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Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Three assumptions spankers should never make
If it is your first time being spanked by a particular person, there is a good chance that you probably won't know everything about that person's preferences. It may be a good idea to discuss spanking preferences in extensive detail beforehand, but I also understand that sometimes it's just more fun to let them surprise you. Whichever the case may be, our own personal preferences may sometimes cause us to form assumptions about what the other person may be into. In the interest of the safety and happiness of all parties involved in recreational spanking, I would like to discuss three harmful assumptions that the person giving the spanking should never make. Please disregard any gender pronouns if they don't match your preferences.
This is mostly self-explanatory. The word "spanking" commonly refers to striking the buttocks. How hard, what implements are used, and whether or not it is given bare are all up to personal preference, but the common denominator is that you confine the thrashing to the buttocks. This is a safe assumption to make. It is not, however, safe to assume that someone will be OK with you striking other parts of their body. I have tried full-body thrashing before, and I have found it to be unsatisfying, so now I am just into spanking. A lot of others feel the same way. Because I haven't always been clear about limits in the past, I have had my thighs, back, vagina, and breasts struck before without warning, and I wasn't very happy about it. Again, if you want to move beyond the buttocks, please ask first.
3. Assuming submissiveness in all areas
Spanking generally falls under the large umbrella of BDSM, but just because you are into one aspect of BDSM doesn't mean you are into everything, or that you always have the mentality of a dom/sub or master/slave. In other words, being a spanker doesn't give you license to be a jerk or to disrespect the person you are spanking. I know how much of a paradox it seems. Yes, I may be OK with someone thrashing me hard until I am screaming in agony or growling commands at me to strip or stick my butt out more, but he had better not be rude to me! It seems like a contradiction but our fetishes don't always seamlessly fit into the rest of our identity. I have an assertive personality except when it comes to spanking. Surprisingly, I am even very assertive when it comes to sex, but spanking turns me into a total sub.
So unless it's part of the spanking, don't disrespect your partner. Don't assume that just because she let you spank her, that this somehow makes her inferior to you. And definitely don't ever assume that you can physically or emotionally hurt her in contexts where she has not given clear consent.
Summary checklist:
In summary, here is a checklist of things that you can assume and things you should ask about.
1. Assuming they want sex
2. Assuming you can hit other parts of their body
For most spankos, spanking can be a highly erotic activity and can often be used as foreplay, but that doesn't mean that anyone should just assume that sex is automatically on the menu. Just because the person you are spanking is aroused, that doesn't mean it's OK to assume they are up for sex. When in doubt, ASK! Trust me, if I want it, putting your intent into the form of a question doesn't kill the mood at all.
Despite whatever amount of arousal may come with spanking, a lot of people prefer to keep sex totally separate from spanking, and if you want someone to trust you enough to let you spank them, you have to be willing to honor their choices. In my personal experience, I have had sex with spanking partners, often right after the spanking was over. However, mutual consent was very clear. In other cases, I have had highly erotic spankings where no sexual contact was initiated or even suggested.
Just as an example, I had a spanking partner who used to spank me very regularly. I spent a LOT of time completely naked at his apartment. He was older than me and gay, but his preference was just that I be naked when he spanked me. I was cool with that, especially since being naked helps me to get into the right sort of mindset for spanking. Being totally gay, he had no sexual interest in me, and was really good about keeping his hands to himself (except when they were on my butt for obvious reasons). The only time he ever touched me more intimately than that was when I specifically invited him to while I was answering his politely-worded question about where the clitoris is, which was just curiosity on his part since he was inexperienced with such details (being more into penises and all). I bring this example up to basically illustrate a seemingly sexual spanking encounter in which sex is not assumed.
As an example of what not to do, I was once bent over for a spanking. The guy who was spanking me teased me about being turned on by it. The next thing I knew, I felt his finger being inserted into my vagina. I was stunned speechless that he would just assume that he could do that. When I finally found my voice again, I asked him to remove his finger. When he started apologizing profusely, I realized that he honestly meant no harm and didn't really think of his actions as "rapey". He just assumed that my being exposed in the way I was implied that I was up for sexual contact. I looked him in the eye and explained that I had no interest in having sex with him and that further advances would be unwelcome, but that I also understood his mistake and would forgive him for it. I then said that if he didn't want to continue the spanking without sexual play, then I would just get dressed and leave with no hard feelings. However, if he was OK with continuing the spanking, I would bend back over for him. He chose to continue the spanking, although he started swinging the paddle noticeably softer after that.
This is mostly self-explanatory. The word "spanking" commonly refers to striking the buttocks. How hard, what implements are used, and whether or not it is given bare are all up to personal preference, but the common denominator is that you confine the thrashing to the buttocks. This is a safe assumption to make. It is not, however, safe to assume that someone will be OK with you striking other parts of their body. I have tried full-body thrashing before, and I have found it to be unsatisfying, so now I am just into spanking. A lot of others feel the same way. Because I haven't always been clear about limits in the past, I have had my thighs, back, vagina, and breasts struck before without warning, and I wasn't very happy about it. Again, if you want to move beyond the buttocks, please ask first.
3. Assuming submissiveness in all areas
Spanking generally falls under the large umbrella of BDSM, but just because you are into one aspect of BDSM doesn't mean you are into everything, or that you always have the mentality of a dom/sub or master/slave. In other words, being a spanker doesn't give you license to be a jerk or to disrespect the person you are spanking. I know how much of a paradox it seems. Yes, I may be OK with someone thrashing me hard until I am screaming in agony or growling commands at me to strip or stick my butt out more, but he had better not be rude to me! It seems like a contradiction but our fetishes don't always seamlessly fit into the rest of our identity. I have an assertive personality except when it comes to spanking. Surprisingly, I am even very assertive when it comes to sex, but spanking turns me into a total sub.
So unless it's part of the spanking, don't disrespect your partner. Don't assume that just because she let you spank her, that this somehow makes her inferior to you. And definitely don't ever assume that you can physically or emotionally hurt her in contexts where she has not given clear consent.
Summary checklist:
In summary, here is a checklist of things that you can assume and things you should ask about.
- Slapping her on the butt: Yes! Not only is it OK, but it's kind of expected. Exceptions are after the spanking has clearly ended or when she has stated that she would like the spanking to end.
- Rubbing/stroking/massaging her butt: I would say it's OK to go ahead and do it unless she asks you not to.
- Touching her near her anus: Ask first! Not everyone likes that.
- Touching her genitals: Ask first, unless you have both agreed beforehand that sexual touching will be allowed or expected.
- Yanking off her panties: If she has agreed that the spanking will involve her panties being removed, then go ahead and do it. Otherwise, just ask. For all you know, she may want her panties lowered in a way that preserves some modesty.
- Spreading her legs: If you want her to adjust her position, it should probably be alright to use your foot to gently nudge her legs open into a wider stance. Sticking an implement like a paddle or a cane between her legs and using that to gently nudge them open wider is also fine. You should probably avoid placing your hand on her inner thigh though, unless sexual contact has definitely been given the green light. However, if she expresses a wish to not have her legs spread, then just leave them be.
- Adjusting her butt's position with your hands: As long as you are being mindful not to touch any other intimate areas without permission, go ahead. Placing your hands on her hips to pull her butt back towards you so that it is sticking out more is fine. So is shifting her body so that it is in a better position over your lap. Just watch where your hands go and you should be fine.
- Disrobing yourself in any way: You should keep your own clothes on unless she is OK with you taking them off. If a guy wants to take his shirt off so that his arm motion is unhindered, that should be fine but don't go any further than that. And definitely don't whip out your own genitals and start touching yourself. Just because the person you are spanking is OK removing her own clothes, that doesn't mean that she will be OK with you removing your clothes. If you want to be naked while spanking your partner, then ask her if it is OK. And please don't start masturbating unless she is OK with that.
- Stabbing her with your erect penis: It often can't be helped, but you can be considerate about it. If you have an erection while she is over your lap, there is a good chance of her feeling it, even if you are fully clothed. If she makes mention of it, or if you can tell that it is causing her some discomfort, politely apologize and offer to shift her into a more comfortable position. But please don't pull her tightly against your penis, and definitely don't grind it on her.
- Peeking at her bare butt after a clothed spanking: Ask first. Yes, there are some people who prefer to be spanked over clothing, especially when it comes to more severe implements like paddles or canes. The temptation to "inspect the damage" afterwards is understandable, but ask her if it's alright for you to look. Don't just pull back her waistband and have a peek.
- Slapping her face or pulling her hair: Unless she had specifically said this is OK, don't do it.
- Hitting her thighs, back, genitals, breasts, or any other part of her body besides her butt: Ask first.
- Calling her insulting names: Definitely ask, both inside and outside of the context of spanking. She is not your "bitch" or your "slave" unless she says she wants to be.
- Yelling at her or speaking to her in an unpleasant tone: Discuss it prior to any spankings you give her. If she is OK with that being part of the experience or mood for the spanking, then go ahead and do it. As long as it's generally understood that it's OK, there probably isn't a need to ask for permission for every spanking. Just don't talk to her that way when the spanking is long over, unless you are in some sort of 24/7 BDSM arrangement.
- Ordering her around: Fine for the spanking, but unless you are in some sort of 24/7 BDSM arrangement, don't talk to her like that the rest of the time.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Advice for New Spankees
I am fairly experienced when it comes to being spanked, but that obviously wasn't always the case. Everyone who is experienced was once a newbie, and there is nothing wrong with that. Having been both experienced and inexperienced in receiving spankings, I believe that some of my insights may be of some help to people who are brand new to being on the receiving end of spanking. I have a few pieces of advice that I believe will make taking that first step as a new spankee a little easier.
Fear:
So you have been talking with someone who has agreed to give you your very first spanking. What sort of emotions are running through your mind? If I had to guess, I would say you may be feeling relief, excitement, contentment, and maybe arousal. Oh yeah, and gut-wrenching terror! Some people may euphemistically say that they are feeling "anxiety" or "nervousness", but what they really mean to say is "fear".
If you are going to take that first step and agree to be spanked, you will most likely be afraid. That is perfectly OK. In fact, you should be concerned if you aren't afraid. I have been spanked countless times, and I still feel fear before a spanking. Not only is that OK, but for me the fear actually increases the excitement I get from being spanked. The only time your fear is a bad thing is if it prevents you from living out your desire to be spanked. In the end, you have to make a choice to submit to a spanking even though you may be terrified to do so. It's a difficult decision, but it was made easier for me when I came to an important realization. I realized that even if I let my fear stop me from being spanked, my desire to be spanked will never go away. I knew that if I was obsessed with the idea of being spanked now, that I would still be just as obsessed years from now. I decided that I wasn't going to use my fear as a reason to deny myself something I really wanted.
That was the decision I made back then. I still have to keep consciously making that decision over and over because I still feel that same fear before (and during) every spanking. However, the good news is that making this decision gets easier as you become more experienced. The fear doesn't ever really go away, but another emotion eventually builds up inside of you and makes things easier. That emotion is confidence.
Pain:
This should be obvious, but it sometimes isn't to a lot of people. It's a spanking, so it is going to hurt. I know you are expecting it to be painful because you have probably spent countless hours fantasizing about being spanked. Included in those fantasies is the realization that it will be painful. In fact, you have probably thought about that so much that you may have sort of become numb to the idea as a sort of coping mechanism so that the fantasy will still be exciting.
It's one thing to imagine what the pain will be like, but it's something totally different to actually experience the physical sensation of pain. It may even be a different type of pain than what you were expecting. The kind of pain produced by a wooden paddle feels different from the kind of pain produced by a leather strap. The pain may be more or less "intense" than you were expecting, and it may also be more "dull" or "sharp" than you were expecting.
Because it's so hard to really get an idea of what it is like until you try it, you may want to forgo your ultimate fantasy spanking for your first time. You can act out your ultimate spanking fantasies at a different time. Your first spanking should be about learning what to expect. If the person spanking you has experience, take direction from him or her. Just explain that this is your first time and you want to learn what it's like before diving in headfirst. Your first time may be a good opportunity to experiment with different implements and positions. The spanking should probably start off light at first and gradually increase in intensity from there to the extent that you feel comfortable. Your first spanking should be like your first time having sex. It probably won't be everything you ever wanted it to be, but that's OK. You are learning what it's like, and what does and doesn't work for you. There will be time later to indulge in the kind of experiences you really want.
Don't ever lie about your spanking experience or your limits. I understand the temptation to exaggerate because it goes back to the sex analogy.You may assume that because you are a spanking virgin and your partner is very experienced, that they would lose interest in you quickly if they knew how much of a newbie you are, but just be honest. A lot of spankers will work with newbies. Don't ever brag about how much you can take unless you have the experience to back it up, or you may find yourself regretting your boasts. When I was a newbie, one of my fears was that I would reach my limit after the spanking has barely started, and that my weak limits would disappoint the spanker. As it turned out, I was more resilient than I thought I was and I ended up impressing my first spanker, but my concern was still a very valid one. However, in retrospect, I believe that I greatly benefitted from having been honest.
You could theoretically avoid the pain altogether if your spanker is willing to give you a very light spanking, but that would sort of defeat the whole purpose. The spanking would lose its thrill and just become nothing more than an awkward butt massage. I don't really enjoy the pain, but the pain is necessary in order for me to enjoy the spanking. It's a complicated relationship that can only really be understood by experiencing it for yourself.
Humiliation:
I have purposely incorporated some pretty extreme aspects of humiliation in some of my spankings, but even the most tame spanking experiences can be embarrassing. Like pain, I don't enjoy humiliation either, but a spanking would be uninteresting without it. Whether you are simply baring your butt or stripping stark naked for your spanking, there will likely be some degree of embarrassment either way.
Even if you are fully clothed in nun attire for your spanking, there will still likely be some element of humiliation involved. Bending over or laying over a lap in order to meekly submit to a spanking is something that is natural to find embarrassing. Not only are you being put in an undignified position, but the person spanking you is very much aware of the pain you are feeling and there really isn't a good way to pretend otherwise. The sort of vulnerability that goes along with spanking will almost certainly embarrass you.
My advice for coping with the humiliation is to remember that this isn't accidental humiliation. It's not like you accidentally did something embarrassing in public or in front of people who weren't expecting it and weren't sharing an experience with you. Your humiliation is part of a deliberate act and it is an integral part of an exciting experience that you are sharing with the person spanking you. It's a very different type of humiliation. Once again, it's useful to compare this to sex. Being seen naked and in an orgasmic state is something that many people would naturally be horrified of in many contexts, but in the context of having sex that humiliation becomes pleasurable instead of horrifying.
Baring your butt:
For most spankos, this really doesn't need to be explained. However, not everyone wants to be spanked bare. I know of some people who fantasize about being spanked over jeans with a paddle. While bare butt spankings are the norm, not everyone has that same preference. Your choice of clothing is totally fine as long as you and your spanker are in agreement. However, for people who are new to being spanked, I strongly recommend being spanked on your bare butt. My reasoning for this is that you may not really be accustomed to how spanking affects your butt or when enough is enough. Having your butt bared for the spanking allows the person spanking you to watch your butt changing color and see the marks left by the spanking. Different butts can react differently to being spanked. Having it bare acts as a sort of safety measure so that the spanker can better determine when you may be approaching your limit. Even if you think you are doing fine, your butt may not look so good, and your spanker needs to be able to see that.
These are just a few simply suggestions I have for new spankees. If anyone else has anything to add, feel free to leave a comment.
Fear:
So you have been talking with someone who has agreed to give you your very first spanking. What sort of emotions are running through your mind? If I had to guess, I would say you may be feeling relief, excitement, contentment, and maybe arousal. Oh yeah, and gut-wrenching terror! Some people may euphemistically say that they are feeling "anxiety" or "nervousness", but what they really mean to say is "fear".
If you are going to take that first step and agree to be spanked, you will most likely be afraid. That is perfectly OK. In fact, you should be concerned if you aren't afraid. I have been spanked countless times, and I still feel fear before a spanking. Not only is that OK, but for me the fear actually increases the excitement I get from being spanked. The only time your fear is a bad thing is if it prevents you from living out your desire to be spanked. In the end, you have to make a choice to submit to a spanking even though you may be terrified to do so. It's a difficult decision, but it was made easier for me when I came to an important realization. I realized that even if I let my fear stop me from being spanked, my desire to be spanked will never go away. I knew that if I was obsessed with the idea of being spanked now, that I would still be just as obsessed years from now. I decided that I wasn't going to use my fear as a reason to deny myself something I really wanted.
That was the decision I made back then. I still have to keep consciously making that decision over and over because I still feel that same fear before (and during) every spanking. However, the good news is that making this decision gets easier as you become more experienced. The fear doesn't ever really go away, but another emotion eventually builds up inside of you and makes things easier. That emotion is confidence.
Pain:
This should be obvious, but it sometimes isn't to a lot of people. It's a spanking, so it is going to hurt. I know you are expecting it to be painful because you have probably spent countless hours fantasizing about being spanked. Included in those fantasies is the realization that it will be painful. In fact, you have probably thought about that so much that you may have sort of become numb to the idea as a sort of coping mechanism so that the fantasy will still be exciting.
It's one thing to imagine what the pain will be like, but it's something totally different to actually experience the physical sensation of pain. It may even be a different type of pain than what you were expecting. The kind of pain produced by a wooden paddle feels different from the kind of pain produced by a leather strap. The pain may be more or less "intense" than you were expecting, and it may also be more "dull" or "sharp" than you were expecting.
Because it's so hard to really get an idea of what it is like until you try it, you may want to forgo your ultimate fantasy spanking for your first time. You can act out your ultimate spanking fantasies at a different time. Your first spanking should be about learning what to expect. If the person spanking you has experience, take direction from him or her. Just explain that this is your first time and you want to learn what it's like before diving in headfirst. Your first time may be a good opportunity to experiment with different implements and positions. The spanking should probably start off light at first and gradually increase in intensity from there to the extent that you feel comfortable. Your first spanking should be like your first time having sex. It probably won't be everything you ever wanted it to be, but that's OK. You are learning what it's like, and what does and doesn't work for you. There will be time later to indulge in the kind of experiences you really want.
Don't ever lie about your spanking experience or your limits. I understand the temptation to exaggerate because it goes back to the sex analogy.You may assume that because you are a spanking virgin and your partner is very experienced, that they would lose interest in you quickly if they knew how much of a newbie you are, but just be honest. A lot of spankers will work with newbies. Don't ever brag about how much you can take unless you have the experience to back it up, or you may find yourself regretting your boasts. When I was a newbie, one of my fears was that I would reach my limit after the spanking has barely started, and that my weak limits would disappoint the spanker. As it turned out, I was more resilient than I thought I was and I ended up impressing my first spanker, but my concern was still a very valid one. However, in retrospect, I believe that I greatly benefitted from having been honest.
You could theoretically avoid the pain altogether if your spanker is willing to give you a very light spanking, but that would sort of defeat the whole purpose. The spanking would lose its thrill and just become nothing more than an awkward butt massage. I don't really enjoy the pain, but the pain is necessary in order for me to enjoy the spanking. It's a complicated relationship that can only really be understood by experiencing it for yourself.
Humiliation:
I have purposely incorporated some pretty extreme aspects of humiliation in some of my spankings, but even the most tame spanking experiences can be embarrassing. Like pain, I don't enjoy humiliation either, but a spanking would be uninteresting without it. Whether you are simply baring your butt or stripping stark naked for your spanking, there will likely be some degree of embarrassment either way.
Even if you are fully clothed in nun attire for your spanking, there will still likely be some element of humiliation involved. Bending over or laying over a lap in order to meekly submit to a spanking is something that is natural to find embarrassing. Not only are you being put in an undignified position, but the person spanking you is very much aware of the pain you are feeling and there really isn't a good way to pretend otherwise. The sort of vulnerability that goes along with spanking will almost certainly embarrass you.
My advice for coping with the humiliation is to remember that this isn't accidental humiliation. It's not like you accidentally did something embarrassing in public or in front of people who weren't expecting it and weren't sharing an experience with you. Your humiliation is part of a deliberate act and it is an integral part of an exciting experience that you are sharing with the person spanking you. It's a very different type of humiliation. Once again, it's useful to compare this to sex. Being seen naked and in an orgasmic state is something that many people would naturally be horrified of in many contexts, but in the context of having sex that humiliation becomes pleasurable instead of horrifying.
Baring your butt:
For most spankos, this really doesn't need to be explained. However, not everyone wants to be spanked bare. I know of some people who fantasize about being spanked over jeans with a paddle. While bare butt spankings are the norm, not everyone has that same preference. Your choice of clothing is totally fine as long as you and your spanker are in agreement. However, for people who are new to being spanked, I strongly recommend being spanked on your bare butt. My reasoning for this is that you may not really be accustomed to how spanking affects your butt or when enough is enough. Having your butt bared for the spanking allows the person spanking you to watch your butt changing color and see the marks left by the spanking. Different butts can react differently to being spanked. Having it bare acts as a sort of safety measure so that the spanker can better determine when you may be approaching your limit. Even if you think you are doing fine, your butt may not look so good, and your spanker needs to be able to see that.
These are just a few simply suggestions I have for new spankees. If anyone else has anything to add, feel free to leave a comment.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Spanking in the Wheel of Time Series
A common practice among spankos is to try to find non-erotic mainstream books or movies that feature spanking scenes. I admit to having done the same thing, but that is not something I will be focusing on in this blog. However, I wanted to write a post about the epic fantasy novel series The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan (and later finished by Brandon Sanderson after Robert Jordan's death). I recently finished reading the epically long 14-book series (not counting the prequel). Despite being kind of slow around the middle of the series, I greatly enjoyed it. Robert Jordan did an amazing job creating a diverse and lively fictional world. When it comes to complexity of the plot, long cast of characters, and all the scheming and backstabbing that goes on, it reminds me a lot of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin, just with a much more lighthearted and comical writing style.
Of course, I am not mentioning this on my blog because it is a good series with the occasional spanking scene. No, this is a good series with a LOT of spanking going on. I'm not going to even attempt to list all of the examples of spanking in this series, because there are just so many. Unfortunately, a lot of the spankings are implied, such as referring to a young woman with a sore butt who is unable to sit comfortably after a visit with the Mistress of Novices. At several points in the series, it flat out declares that a character was just spanked (often specifying which implement was used), but doesn't really go into much more detail than that.
Despite the sheer number of spankings mentioned in the series, one character stands out above all the rest when it comes to being spanked. When Egwene is taken captive by the White Tower, she is subjected to regular spankings as punishment for her defiance. What starts out as relatively mild hand spankings quickly increases in severity when milder spanking fail to tame her defiance. Eventually, she is being sent for a spanking several times per day that involves her being bent over a desk and spanked long and hard with a leather strap on her bare butt. The fact that the desk she is bent over is mentioned as having been stained by countless tears indicates just how well-spanked she is.
In this series, birching is talked about as a more severe form of spanking than strapping, but I don't recall any instances where birching is actually used, although it is certainly threatened for very serious crimes, sometimes as a punishment inflicted right before execution.
Spanking isn't always used in an institutional context either. At night, a slaveowner named Sevanna would spank the five slaves who displeased her most that day. Spanking is also used in domestic contexts. After tiring of his wife's temper, mild-mannered Perrin finds that spanking her makes her more agreeable. Rather than protesting his tactics, his wife seems to be happy that her husband found the backbone to do something.
All things considered, I wouldn't read this series just for the spanking, but it does make a nice addition to an already enjoyable reading experience.
Of course, I am not mentioning this on my blog because it is a good series with the occasional spanking scene. No, this is a good series with a LOT of spanking going on. I'm not going to even attempt to list all of the examples of spanking in this series, because there are just so many. Unfortunately, a lot of the spankings are implied, such as referring to a young woman with a sore butt who is unable to sit comfortably after a visit with the Mistress of Novices. At several points in the series, it flat out declares that a character was just spanked (often specifying which implement was used), but doesn't really go into much more detail than that.
Despite the sheer number of spankings mentioned in the series, one character stands out above all the rest when it comes to being spanked. When Egwene is taken captive by the White Tower, she is subjected to regular spankings as punishment for her defiance. What starts out as relatively mild hand spankings quickly increases in severity when milder spanking fail to tame her defiance. Eventually, she is being sent for a spanking several times per day that involves her being bent over a desk and spanked long and hard with a leather strap on her bare butt. The fact that the desk she is bent over is mentioned as having been stained by countless tears indicates just how well-spanked she is.
In this series, birching is talked about as a more severe form of spanking than strapping, but I don't recall any instances where birching is actually used, although it is certainly threatened for very serious crimes, sometimes as a punishment inflicted right before execution.
Spanking isn't always used in an institutional context either. At night, a slaveowner named Sevanna would spank the five slaves who displeased her most that day. Spanking is also used in domestic contexts. After tiring of his wife's temper, mild-mannered Perrin finds that spanking her makes her more agreeable. Rather than protesting his tactics, his wife seems to be happy that her husband found the backbone to do something.
All things considered, I wouldn't read this series just for the spanking, but it does make a nice addition to an already enjoyable reading experience.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Spanking Porn Site Review: Firm Hand Spanking
As a part of this blog, I will regularly review spanking-themed websites. Websites reviewed will include personal blogs, community sites, and porn sites. Everyone in the spanking community has their own personal tastes, so I don't expect everyone to share my same preferences. However, I hope that my personal opinions on the websites I review will be of some assistance to readers.
For the first website review, I checked out Firm Hand Spanking (firmhandspanking.com), a spanking porn site. I enjoyed this site so much that I even had a paid subscription to it, something I usually avoid doing. It's definitely one of my all-time favorite spanking porn sites. Everyone has certain key criteria that they look for when evaluating these kinds of websites, so I will now present the criteria that I looked at when reviewing this site.
Model/actress attractiveness: It's porn, so you are allowed to be shallow about this. Finding physically attractive models and/or actresses seems to be a lot more challenging for spanking porn websites than it is for conventional porn websites, and there are obvious reasons for this. Fortunately, Firm Hand Spanking has succeeded in attracting beautiful women to star in their videos. Some of these women have only starred in a handful of videos, while others are regularly featured. Not all of them are stunning, but they have a very good selection compared to most other spanking porn sites.
Variety: There is plenty of variety here. Both male and female spankers are featured regularly. Many of the scenes are one-on-one spankings, but there are plenty of spankings that include more than just two people. There are plenty of spankings given over full clothing, panties only, bare, completely naked, or progressively in layers. Hand, paddle, belt, tawse, brush, strap, and cane are all used very regularly, so your preferred choice of implement is guaranteed to make frequent appearances in their videos. This is truly a website that caters to diverse preferences.
Volume: If a spanking porn site charges a monthly subscription instead of just selling each individual video, then it becomes very important for the site to regularly produce new content in order to make a subscription worth it. Fortunately, Firm Hand Spanking regularly puts out a new video every two to three days. And of course, a subscription not only allows you access to new videos, but also gives you access to their massive archive of previous videos.
Severity: The severity of a spanking is one of the most difficult thing to judge. It's not something easily measurable like temperature, speed, or distance. I can ask ten people to rate a spanking's severity on a scale from 1 to 10 and get very different answers from each person. The phrase "take this with a grain of salt" applies here, except you may want to take my personal assessment with an entire salt mine. I would say most of the spankings on the site are pretty "moderate". On a scale from 1 to 10, I would put most in the 5 to 7 range. Some spankings (especially with less-experienced actresses) are noticeably lighter than the rest, while other spankings (usually with the more-experienced actresses) are noticeably more severe.
Most of the spankings look like the actress will have trouble sitting comfortably for a few days. Some spankings look to be worse than they actually are. For example, the spanker may be using a jaw-dropping huge wooden paddle, but not put very much force behind the swats. However, for every spanking like this, there are also the spankings where there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that the actress is getting a hard spanking.
Sex content: There really isn't any. I don't recall seeing any sex acts in any of the videos. There are plenty of videos where the actress is completely naked, however the camera is used in creative ways to avoid making the nudity very revealing. If you are hoping to get a good view of vaginas, then you will probably be disappointed. I think the logic behind this is to avoid distracting from the spanking, but I think they could probably do a little bit more with camera angles to show more vagina without necessarily distracting from the spanking action.
Cinematography: As far as spanking videos go, Firm Hand Spanking has pretty professional-looking videos. Multiple steady camera angles, good lighting, good sound quality, and HD resolutions all make these videos look very well done.
Conclusion: I recommend this site.
P.S.,
As a personal side note, I very much enjoyed Kayla Apple and Monica Bouget. I'm disappointed that they didn't make more videos.
For the first website review, I checked out Firm Hand Spanking (firmhandspanking.com), a spanking porn site. I enjoyed this site so much that I even had a paid subscription to it, something I usually avoid doing. It's definitely one of my all-time favorite spanking porn sites. Everyone has certain key criteria that they look for when evaluating these kinds of websites, so I will now present the criteria that I looked at when reviewing this site.
Model/actress attractiveness: It's porn, so you are allowed to be shallow about this. Finding physically attractive models and/or actresses seems to be a lot more challenging for spanking porn websites than it is for conventional porn websites, and there are obvious reasons for this. Fortunately, Firm Hand Spanking has succeeded in attracting beautiful women to star in their videos. Some of these women have only starred in a handful of videos, while others are regularly featured. Not all of them are stunning, but they have a very good selection compared to most other spanking porn sites.
Variety: There is plenty of variety here. Both male and female spankers are featured regularly. Many of the scenes are one-on-one spankings, but there are plenty of spankings that include more than just two people. There are plenty of spankings given over full clothing, panties only, bare, completely naked, or progressively in layers. Hand, paddle, belt, tawse, brush, strap, and cane are all used very regularly, so your preferred choice of implement is guaranteed to make frequent appearances in their videos. This is truly a website that caters to diverse preferences.
Volume: If a spanking porn site charges a monthly subscription instead of just selling each individual video, then it becomes very important for the site to regularly produce new content in order to make a subscription worth it. Fortunately, Firm Hand Spanking regularly puts out a new video every two to three days. And of course, a subscription not only allows you access to new videos, but also gives you access to their massive archive of previous videos.
Severity: The severity of a spanking is one of the most difficult thing to judge. It's not something easily measurable like temperature, speed, or distance. I can ask ten people to rate a spanking's severity on a scale from 1 to 10 and get very different answers from each person. The phrase "take this with a grain of salt" applies here, except you may want to take my personal assessment with an entire salt mine. I would say most of the spankings on the site are pretty "moderate". On a scale from 1 to 10, I would put most in the 5 to 7 range. Some spankings (especially with less-experienced actresses) are noticeably lighter than the rest, while other spankings (usually with the more-experienced actresses) are noticeably more severe.
Most of the spankings look like the actress will have trouble sitting comfortably for a few days. Some spankings look to be worse than they actually are. For example, the spanker may be using a jaw-dropping huge wooden paddle, but not put very much force behind the swats. However, for every spanking like this, there are also the spankings where there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that the actress is getting a hard spanking.
Sex content: There really isn't any. I don't recall seeing any sex acts in any of the videos. There are plenty of videos where the actress is completely naked, however the camera is used in creative ways to avoid making the nudity very revealing. If you are hoping to get a good view of vaginas, then you will probably be disappointed. I think the logic behind this is to avoid distracting from the spanking, but I think they could probably do a little bit more with camera angles to show more vagina without necessarily distracting from the spanking action.
Cinematography: As far as spanking videos go, Firm Hand Spanking has pretty professional-looking videos. Multiple steady camera angles, good lighting, good sound quality, and HD resolutions all make these videos look very well done.
Conclusion: I recommend this site.
P.S.,
As a personal side note, I very much enjoyed Kayla Apple and Monica Bouget. I'm disappointed that they didn't make more videos.
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